From a simple get-together, a traditional Nigerian wedding has developed into an occasion that combines elements of church revival and carnival.
It’s safe to assume that Nigeria is a marriage-crazed society, either by nature or as a result of time and other cultures.
In this case, everything that has to do with a man and woman’s partnership is more important than one might think.
The wedding ceremony, which merges two people into one, is unquestionably the most highlighted of all.
A typical Nigerian wedding has changed over the past few years from being a relatively private event to something that looks like a cross between a church revival and a carnival.
To be fair, the majority of single people adamantly maintain that they will have modest weddings—nothing like the ones we are growing accustomed to.
According to Adebusoye Kunle, CEO of KLALA Photography, a Lagos-based company that takes wedding photos, “people have different opinions about weddings.”The bride may desire it big in a normal pair. Occasionally, it turns into a fight because the groom wants it small.
However, anything you believe you desire is typically a tale for the gods.
Banky W shared an interesting Snapchat post over a year before he announced his engagement. In it, he said he thought small weddings were better and that he didn’t want to partake in the lavish show of a “huge Lagos wedding.”
Additionally, footage showed Adesua Etomi, who was still unmarried, telling a reporter that she would like a simple wedding appeared. She added, “You guys won’t even see pictures,” and said, “It definitely won’t be a big wedding.”
But in November 2017, the singer and actor tied the knot, and in contrast to their original intentions, their union became the talk of town that weekend, complete with copious amounts of pictures and videos. The hashtag #BAAB17 was even created specifically for their wedding.
What, then, made them reconsider? Why did they finally decide on a lavish celebration, like many of us? What is it in the Nigerian spirit that takes great pride in getting married in front of packed houses and live bands?
This change in outlook is partly due to our parents. Do you recall how they strongly objected to the notion of a small wedding when you suggested it to them? Rather, they devised strategies to lease a stadium and bring in a large number of European relatives.
The elder generation believes that a wedding ceremony is more than just a union of two people. It represents achievement and a significant turning point that shows their kids have matured into adults.
For them, it’s about celebrating with pride and creating a memorable occasion, not about keeping it low-key with a small group of close friends and family.
Additionally, there is the element of “family and friends.” These days, weddings have two functions: they are social events where family members can meet up with one another and renew old relationships.
The likelihood of family, friends, and acquaintances connecting, bonding, and fortifying ties increases with the size of the wedding.
However, if the couple chooses a small, private wedding that is influenced by images of Jay-Z and Beyonce, space may become an issue.
“The wedding isn’t just about the bride and groom,” emphasizes Adebusoye. “It’s also a chance for families from around the world to come together, so often the couple can’t make the decision alone, especially if the parents are financing the event.”
Due to ingrained cultural and societal feelings, the bride’s parents typically have a particularly significant parental influence at weddings.
One of the oldest and most enduring institutions in human history, marriage is a serious matter. Women are frequently brought up with a strong emphasis on being good moms and wives, sometimes at the sacrifice of other interests. Therefore, it is understandable that when the time comes for them to get married, the act and the ceremony are highly valued. Many women’s perspectives on marriage have also been influenced by this cultural norm.
Chimamanda Adichie’s essay “We Should All Be Feminists,” which was inspired by her TEDx lecture of the same name, expressed these ideas. She wrote, “I’m supposed to want to get married since I’m a woman. It is required of me to always maintain marriage as the first priority when making decisions in my life.
It is reasonable for a woman who has internalized these expectations to want her accomplishments to be widely praised when she eventually reaches her goals.
In our society, aspiration is paramount. Even if we are not initially able to afford it, we have a tendency to strive for grandeur. A grandiose wedding is presented as the ultimate ideal—every girl’s dream—complete with media attention, gorgeous traditional attire (aso ebi and agbadas), delicious catering, and perhaps even a customized hashtag.
When a bride fulfills this desire and posts the pictures on social media, it creates a benchmark that other people are forced to meet or even exceed. A cycle of rising expectations so starts.
This demand is not ignored. In Nigeria, whole industries have grown as a result of weddings being publicized on social media. These days, there are professional makeup artists, caterers, interior decorators to beautify the hall, wedding photographers to record every moment, and designers to create custom outfits and agbadas. The list is endless.
Without a doubt, the wedding industry’s impact in pushing the ideal of a lavish wedding cannot be disregarded.
Demilade, a Lagos-based wedding coordinator, says, “Wedding planners often favor big weddings because they are more lucrative.” “Not only does planning big weddings increase revenue, but it also fosters important relationships. Everyone aspires to greater and better chances, thus that is essential.
To put it simply, the wedding industry makes its living by encouraging and supporting lavish parties, which in turn feeds the desire for lavish weddings among couples and their families.
When all is said and done, there’s a chance that our desire for a wonderful celebration will take precedence over our individual preferences.
Everyone loves a good party, and wedding ceremonies are among the most festive occasions. It’s difficult to top the emphasis on fresh starts, mouthwatering cuisine, free flowing beverages, and a happy vibe.
But in the middle of all the festivities, it’s vital to remember the bride and groom, who are the most significant individuals. Regretfully, this does occasionally occur.
“We’ve witnessed situations where couples didn’t get to enjoy their own wedding day,” Adebusoye writes. “The entertainment seemed more for the parents than for the couple, and their demands overpowered the celebration. Even the DJ had trouble establishing the proper atmosphere.
Even while big weddings can be happy events, the couple’s privacy, financial security, and relationship basis shouldn’t be compromised.
The phenomenon of large weddings has evolved from a cultural trend to a major cultural export. Videos of energetic dancing at Nigerian weddings are often shared online. One of the most popular films of 2016 was similarly influenced by the idea of an extravagant wedding in Lagos: “The Wedding Party.”
So maybe there is something to our fascination with lavish weddings. Brides and grooms are now producing engaging material thanks to Nigerians. An indigenous industry worth billions of naira a year has grown out of what was once a normal four-hour ritual.
Even while planning such events can be difficult, the enormous cultural and financial impact they produce makes it clear why many people are prepared to save money in order to continue this changing custom.
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Note: The first edition of this essay appeared in 2018.
